Hey all I have been so busy I didn't get a chance to update sooner. I woke up at 3am and lucky me I got back to sleep. Only to have a nightmare. It was one of those dreams within a dream. I was dreaming that I was having a nightmare. Anyway I woke up in the dream and I knew I was still asleep. It was scary because I wanted to wake up. I was having an anxiety attack. But I couldn't wake up. I kept yelling at myself in my head to wake up. Usually if I make my dream self shake my head of hit myself it'll wake me up, but this time it wasn't happening. I hate this. This is one of my worst fears so I was panicing in my dream and it took me forever to wake up. Finally I did and I was gasping for air. I had to catch my breathe. I was really dizzy too. So ya not so much with the sweet dreams for me last night.
Then I got up and did NOT want to go back to sleep. This was around 6am so I stayed up until it was time to get ready to go to the nursing home. I had to get my grandmother ready for her doctor's appointment and then follow her over there. She's in a wheel chair so they took her their van with the lift. Then I took her up to the doctors and then followed her back when they picked her up. I chated with her while I did her hair and helped her get dressed. Turns out she had sent me a huge box of chocolates.
She had given them to my mom to give to me! I had not gotten them. They were for valentines and so I felt bad because I hadn't thanked her but I told her thank you but I hadn't gotten them.
So got home and playfully asked mom if she had forgotten to give me something. She smiled and giggled and said, "Well you didn't go with us so you didn't deserve them." I didn't go with them because I had to wait on James who called at the last minute to say he was coming over to get the buffy dvd set of his and to give me my stuff. So I couldn't go with them. So I didn't say anything just walked out of the room. I started cleaning my room and my bathroom because Baby Boy is coming over today so I can tutor him for his web design class and help him on his website. I go into the kitchen to get some cleaning supplies and she then bitches at me for being mad at her. I say "Would you be mad?" She says its not the point and then throws in my face that she had bought me chocolate chips for me to make James cookies for Valentines. Now James and I broke up before Valentines so instead I made chocolate chip cupcakes and a cake with chocolate chips. Which I shared with her! Actually I only ate a few of them she ate 75% of the cake and most of the cupcakes. I bite my tounge and just told her to leave me alone. When I get mad and I don't want to say or do something I'm going to regret that will only make matters worse I tell the pesron(s) that I'm mad at to go away and leave me alone. She got pissed and bitched at me for that. So now I'm doing my best to ignore her.
My grandmother hardly ever does anything nice for me. So when she does it means a lot. Oh did I forget to mention what happened to the chocolates well Mom ate them of course. I kinda knew she ate them when I didn't get them but was mainly hurt by it instead of pissed. It pissed me off that she would throw stupid stuff that had no place in the discussion in my face. So now I'm pissed and hurt.
But no fear I am getting ready to go to the mall with Baby Boy before we come back over here and get to work. So I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and away from her! I can bitch to him and he'll listen and then I'll let him bitch to me about stuff in his life. Its a good deal. Anyway I have to go and clean the bathroom and head out. I hope everybody had a better day then I did.

Old Tears + New Fears = Lolita